How being diagnosed late is like having lived with a secret wooden leg

I don’t know if I’m completely off base here, but the best analogy I can think of for neurotypicals to understand what it’s like being diagnosed with autism as an adult, is that it was like living with a secret wooden peg leg my whole life. Here’s my explanation…

Imagine you had one leg, but you didn’t know that everyone else had two legs. (Everyone you’ve ever known wears pants, okay? Including you.) To get around with your singular leg, you have a wooden peg leg that allows you to hobble around. And because you have hidden your wooden leg under your pants that you wear constantly, no one around you knows that you have only one leg instead of two. OR they notice your limp, think you’re a little strange and then bully you relentlessly until you change your gait and everyone around you would be none the wiser of the limp you once had.

Now, stay with me.

This wooden leg causes you immense physical pain. The wood chafes against your skin, causing red welts and sores. You come home each night utterly exhausted from walking around all day and you need to massage and apply ointment to your stump constantly. But you you don’t complain much because you’re under the impression that everyone else also has a wooden leg, so why should you be the one to make a fuss over something that everyone else is experiencing? You soldier on.

Until one day… you are faced with the realisation that everyone else HAS TWO LEGS! and you’ve been suffering your entire life. So when you were forced to run cross country in school P.E, or made to walk flights of stairs and keep up with your friends, you were in tremendous pain while everyone else was breezing through it! You can imagine you would have felt your entire life was a lie and you had endured and tolerated so much on a daily basis compared to your peers.

So, after you have been diagnosed with your singular leg and you have a professional that is willing to help and support you, you are fitted with a brand new leg. This new leg is aluminium, it has cushioning and bends at the knee so you can walk up stairs easier! Does it still cause some pain and discomfort? For sure! But now that you’ve had this accommodation, sometimes you may use a wheelchair to make the day easier, and everyone else around you supports your needs, your everyday life has improved exponentially.

This is what it’s like being diagnosed with autism as an adult. I’ve used a physical disability as my analogy on purpose because I’ve come to realise that a lot of neurotypical people can’t imagine a brain that functions differently from theirs. So a physical difference drives home the point.

Since my diagnosis I’ve had people say, ‘What’s the point of being diagnosed? It’s just a label at this point.’ Which is actually pretty frustrating. I went my entire life suffering in silence. I had to hype myself up for 20 minutes to an hour to go grocery shopping, I rehearsed and then ruminated on every single conversation and interaction I’ve ever had. I was in constant pain from overstimulation, trying to fit neurotypical standards, and I thought was dumber than everyone else around me! My entire life!

But, since my diagnosis and learning what my needs are and how to accommodate them, my world has opened up. I no longer believe I’m stupid, I just learn differently (Turns out I’m actually pretty smart!) I say no to things when I’m burnt out and I no longer try to fit into a mould that was never built for me. And let me tell you, my day to day has improved. Do I still struggle with the fact I’m autistic in a world designed for neurotypical people? Definitely. But I now understand why I struggle and what I can do to help myself.

So, before you think that there’s no reason for adults to be diagnosed with autism or that ‘autism is on the rise’, consider what I’ve said. Autism is a neurological difference. Our brains developed very differently and it is unjust to think that we shouldn’t recognise, celebrate or accommodate it!